Losing Fear By Finding Yourself

Yesterday, I stood looking up a vertical rock face, and took a large gulp. There was just no way that I was going to be able to shimmy my way up there, even though I had the professional and highly trained standing alongside me to direct my moves and stop me falling. It was just. too. plain. scary. For a fleeting moment I wanted to run away, pretend I suddenly had a very important phone call to make (no phone signal), or just jump into the nearby stream (not ideal, very chilly). But then, as I tightened my harness, I realised that, this was just fear. My fear. And that fear, was just in me.

So the only one who was going to be able to deal with it - was myself.

With every movement, every new hand grip and pull up, I felt stronger. A sense I could do this, that I wasn’t going to give up, even if I only made it six inches off the ground. I didn’t reach the very top this time, but I went further than I thought I could go, and the feeling of conquering that fear felt twice as high as the rock face in front of me. Since then, I have felt that fear doesn’t have to be the thing that constricts us in life – because if it does, if we let it, we end up not doing what we want to do, only because of ourselves. Whatever challenge is ahead of you, the feeling you will experience of not facing it, is far worse than however little progress you do make, or however much you do fail. In some ways, fear is the negative side of our personality telling us we just can’t do it, when our real inner selves is the one that says “I’m going to darn well see if you're right for myself”. The problem with the negative side of us, is that it is also
the
naïve part too. It is making a blind assertion, and only if we actually face our fears, will we ever know.

Whatever is ahead of you, and whatever you are afraid of – don’t be. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t a champion, but it does matter if you never get to really see what exciting things are awaiting you in life, because you didn’t take a chance. Know you can, you are, and you will be fearless.

Milly

Steubenville: another step too far

It's becoming a little too familiar, happening too often. It's too much that sex is turned on its head and used as a brutal attack, but it is truly disconcerting when the media's attention and sympathy is turned to the attacker, not the victim. 

The distorted accounts of the Steubenville rape case are difficult to watch- CNN's report in particular seems confused when it talks of the shining futures Trent Mays and Ma'lik Richmond had in front of them, but were brutally dashed because of one drunken mistake: thinking that there was nothing wrong with systematically raping a vulnerable young woman, with onlookers recording their crime and cheering them on. It's more than unacceptable that such things happen at all, but it's much, much worse when we're told that we ought to feel sorry for the young, naive, testosterone fuelled attackers. 

As per the usual response to most news items, the world has taken to social media, with many slamming 'Jane Doe' on twitter, and other networks I'm sure. According to popular opinion, the two young men did what 'most guys would', and their victim was 'asking for it' because she was drunk. It's bad enough that insults such as 'whore' are commonplace, but when did it become acceptable to call a rape victim, a 'lil sl*t'?

I have two objections to such retorts. Firstly, 'most guys' would not attack a woman, and such statements do little more than sully the reputation of good, well thinking men who are as much a part of the fight against rape as any woman. Secondly, no one (man nor woman) should have to be put to blame because they were the victim, because they were attacked. To think that donning a short skirt, enjoying a couple of drinks, or being friendly to anyone with a Y chromosome can be seen as an open invitation is ludicrous because it hinges on the assumption that people acting on natural human impulses serves as a valid excuse for attackers to cross the line and take advantage. 

When we live in a world where it's common for people to say things such as 'it depends on your definition of rape', we can see that we're long overdue for a monumental overhaul in the way in which we view and deal with acts of sexual assault. Given that one in three women will be sexually assaulted at some point in their lives, one can't help but wonder how/why on earth such attitudes persist. Why is it that it's difficult for people to take this seriously, and clearly distinguish between the victim and their attacker? Behind the headlines which offer sympathy to her attackers, another young woman has been left scarred and humiliated, yet she remains anonymous, and with people attacking her 'loose' behaviour. No one, man nor woman, should have to face that.

Shall I tell you something? From the second I started drafting this piece, I kept thinking, 'Devi, you're beginning to sound like a broken record. All you do is hark on about feminism.' But, like those well-established writers who are far more eloquent than myself, I write about feminism because there's a myriad of issues we really need to sort out, and in most cases, I wonder why they are issues in the first place. After all, everything I've said here has been said before; we know all this already, surely?. Here's an easy question: we all know that no means no, right? 

Unfortunately, no, and this is why we should keep challenging the unpardonable behaviour of our fellow human beings, and at least try to create a culture in which even an 'innocent' grope will be seen as inappropriate and insulting, rather than a compliment, and no victim will be put to blame and branded with a scarlet letter. I know that I'm an idealist, but I refuse to believe that this is too much to ask for. 

Miss D

Pause, rewind. Before the fast forward.

I find living in London, that life is often so busy it is hard to just sit and take stock of things. I find myself catapulting from one thing to the next without a lot of time to contemplate what is really going on. On the one hand this means that life is being fully lived and there isn’t a lot of time to get too engrossed in the trivial. However, arguably, not spending thinking time getting engrossed in anything, is arguably missing the point altogether.

Therefore, take a bit of time to be just a little bit selfish. Or a lot selfish. This is to step back, and be focusing on you. Now, I am not advocating you say “I’m spending the inheritance!!”and go and fork out on a Caribbean cruise for one, but I am suggesting that you do the things you enjoy when it is just you. That’s right. On your own. What do you love doing? Some read in cafes. Others sketch in parks. Some fully bury their earphones under their beanies and tune out while they tune in. Now, you might think I am telling you to just go and enjoy yourself in an egotistical way, and to which your response would inevitably be “well, duh, of course I am going to do what I enjoy in my free time”. But, when, really, were you actually by yourself, giving your person some much valued space? The problem is, we often think that our ‘time out’ always involves others, is always action packed and always busy. But, as outrageous as it might be to say – I think we need some time away occasionally to just exist. To think. To access whatever is above, and beyond. To wonder what on earth we are doing. To re-evaluate WHY we are doing what we are doing.

After all, we don’t get into the elevator without a little contemplation of what we will do when we reach our chosen floor.  So this new year- go and just be you.  Take a walk. Eat in a sushi bar alone.  Get your hair done. Plan a train journey. Re-assess. Make some decisions, break some bad ones. Those moments when you think “Wow, my life is busy, So what’s my story?” are real moments in our life to grab hold of, and appreciate for what they are, and for all their worth.

Miss V x

Italy and Style

I have just returned from a trip to Italy, and had a wonderful time, as ever. Here are a few pictures that really capture the elegance and style of a beautiful, and very sophiscated country.

Hope you all had a lovely Christmas!

Miss V x

Please, let's just cut the bullsh*t

Honesty, that old chestnut. We've all been lectured about its value &importance, and how, invariably, it is very wrong to lie. If you've been lied to, I'm betting you didn't like it much. Yet, even if we don't do it in the cheating, dishonest, immoral way, all of us are prone to inauthenticity. What I mean by 'inauthenticity' is a different, and a little more subtle rendering to the common understanding of 'lying', but I think it's important, so bear with me.

Recently, I had a discussion with someone- the topic is irrelevant, and a little contentious, so let's leave that behind- and, we were clearly at odds with one another. He said one thing, I argued another, and so it continued. Yet, having had far too many conversations in which either I or the other person water down our opinions and judgements to 'soften the blow',  I found it incredibly refreshing (and enjoyable) to speak to someone who had confidence in their conviction, and didn't feel the urge to present an inauthentic or diluted version of his beliefs for the sake of mine. The simple fact is, by being truthful with one another about our views, we knew exactly where the other stood, and neither of us had to sift through a veil of 'holding back' in order to work out what the other really thought. 

Thinking about the idea of honesty more closely, the need to cut the bullsh*t, and not dumb down what we really mean isn't just necessary in debate, but on pretty much every level of our daily conduct. From the people too frightened or intimidated to say exactly what it is that they want to do with themselves, to the types prone to stringing paramours along by dancing around their real desires, we could all do with being more authentic. Think how much simpler our days &lives would be if we didn't succumb to a perceived need to mask our true feelings or intentions for whatever reason we may deem valid.

Proof in point: I've listened to friends ranting about what they 'really, really wanted to say' to the object of said rant, and then, chastising themselves for not being as frank as they wanted to be. Personally, I've found myself- far too often- walking away from an encounter with someone I really wanted to be frank &open with, whether I could have told them that I think they're quite brilliant, and would like to be more than friends, that they're a prize idiot, or whatever else.

If frustration comes from not getting what we want, or not knowing where we stand, it seems simple enough that the solution lies in not shirking away from the real madness/severity/hopefulness of what we want to say &just coming out with it. I reckon we'd be much less frustrated, ergo happier. Maybe my insistence is a symptom of my naive optimism, but I can't help but think that my little theory might work. Why not try it out? Go on, I dare you.

Miss D x

Rimmel's Scandaleyes Kohl eyeliner

Merry Christmas one and all :) while travelling abroad I have a few moments to blog, so thought I would tell you about the latest product I am RAVING about! It is Rimmel's Scandaleyes Waterproof Kohl eyeliner. I have heard some great reviews about this eyeliner, so I wanted to try it for myself. Before, I was using MAC's eyeliner in 'engraved', which is a great eyeliner (especially for contact wearers like myself !) , but of course costs a little more. It also has the tendency to smudge towards the end of the day, so I wanted a budge-proof eyeliner on a budget. This eyeliner definately ticks all the boxes! It gives quite a smokey finish, which I like as I hate it when eyeliners look too harsh and artificial. This is therefore briliiant for taking a look from day to night, as I think it is perfect for a stunning day time look, as well as highly suited for an evening out. Do go and buy, at £3.99 why wouldn't you ?!

For more info and colour options, click here for the Rimmel site.

Miss V x

'Hurts' are back- happy days (no, really)

Remember their evocative, emotional belter of an album of 2010? Well, the two-man act are back to deliver another dose of moody but romantic feeling. Judging from the trailer for 'Exile', it won't disappoint. Excited? I am. 

Sadly, however, we're going to have to wait until March 2013 to get our hands on their second instalment, but in the meantime, 'The Road' is available to download on iTunes- get in there.

Miss D x

Beauty Hints for Christmas

As a treat for all of our readers, I thought I would share with you 15 beauty tips that will leave you feeling really quite beautiful this Christmas time. Enjoy, and do let me know what you think!

1st - Always keep a lip balm in your coat pocket. Your lips never have to be dry again  - and it is a must for sealing lip stain colours. My favourite - Carmex. Cult classic.

2nd - Coconut oil on the ends of your hair. Apply a small amount after shampooing. Either wash out or leave in, depending on how dry your hair is.

3rd - You don't need to buy a seperate eye primer in my opinion - just dab some of your normal primer (eg. Benefit Pore Professional) on your lids, and your colour will stay all day.

4th - Layer your mascaras for the ultimate impact eyelashes. The different textures of the products will create a dramatic look, that is often not achieved by one mascara alone.

5th - Moisturize your hands last thing at night. This cold weather means hands are so dry, and you are left with unsightly cuticles.

6th - Mix facial oil with your normal moisturizer, and ta da  - you have a night cream, without having to buy a different product or compromise on your normal skin routine.

7th - Recently the lovely staff in Liz Earle told me that their spritzer version of their skin tonic can be sprayed over make up to set it - and it really works! My make up stayed in place and my skin looked glowing.

8th - Drink lots of water. This time of year, we are enjoying ourselves more, but somehow thinking less about the affects it has on our skin.

9th - Find out what hair type you have, and stick to a shampoo for that hair type. Specialist brands, such as Liz Earle, have really great ranges. Understanding the type of hair you have is half the battle to maintaining great hair. The Body Shop also do fantastic hair products, also paraben free.

10th - Make sure you keep your mobile phone and laptop as clean as possible. The bacteria from these appliances can make us break out if they come into contact with our face, which is never a good look at all the Christmas parties.

11th - When life is hectic, give yourself a home spa treatment. Steam your face with a bowl and a towel, and put lavender essential oil (few drops) in the bath. After a face mask too, you will feel relaxed and pampered.

12th -Double cleanse. We often think we have got all our make up off the first time, but often we have not truly cleansed our faces, which can lead to breakouts. To know whether you have really cleaned all your make up away, swipe your face with a cotton pad soaked in a gentle toner.

13th - Concealer under the eyebrows gives the appearance of structure to the face.

14th- Bronzer is not just a summer product. Often looks more natural than blusher.

15th - The true key to radiance this time of year, is to have fun, be thankful and enjoy the Christmas Time :)

Miss V x

Beauty Mart, the ultimate shopping experience

A few weeks back, I visited the latest craze to hit Harvey Nichols - their Beauty Mart. Of course, we all know their long established glamorous beauty floor that hits you as soon as you enter their doors, but this is something completely new.

A few floors up and you come across lots of make up. Not your Chanels, nor your Clinques, but a menagerie of really quite good makes, with plenty of testers to try there and then. I really fell in love with the fun element of this little pop up shop - after chatting to the very helpful assistant for some time, she encouraged me to try some of the nail varnishes, open up tester bottles and just generally really enjoy the make up boutique. It felt like someones make up collection rather than a shop, and this personal element made the afternoon care-free and all about discoveries of great new brands. Another big plus of the shop is the fact that the prices are incredibly reasonable, so one can have the 'Harvey Nicks' experience, without the Harvey Nicks expenditure. Do go and visit  - and make the most of shopping for make up!

Miss V x

The man who gave the sitar to the west

This morning brought the news that one of India's greatest, Pandit Ravi Shankar, had passed away. Since then, I've seen countless tributes to the musical genius, all of which serve as a reassuring reminder of the legacy he's left behind. This is how I'll remember him.

My parents introduced me to Ravi Shankar's music when I was little, and I vividly remember his jangly sitar strumming  from the CD player in our living room on a nearly constant basis. To me, he was the guy who made classical Indian music cool, not only because of his insurmountable mastery of the sitar (a damn difficult instrument to play, trust me), but also how he smoothly delivered India's musical heritage to the West. As early as the 1950's Pandit Ravi Shankar worked closely with musical greats of the West, including John Coltrane, Philip Glass and, not forgetting, of course, George Harrison. Theirs was spiritually potent and personally close relationship that has left a lasting imprint on Indian music and demonstrated the ease with which two traditions can mingle, making something of the best of both. 

I know it's a desperately cheesy thing to say, but we were lucky to have him for ninety-two years. Few musical careers last longer than a couple, so to see a man and his sitar blend effortlessly into anything from a performance at the Sydney Opera House, to the muddy Woodstock field in 1969, is quite brilliant. 

So, thank you, Pandit Ji, you wonder.

{Via Gabrielle Smith on Pinterest}

Here's a little something for your eyes&ears, from The Concert for Bangladesh, 1970. Enjoy.

Miss D