Listening: Talk to the ear, not the hand.

It is a very intimate, kind and considerate act when you properly listen to someone. It is just not something we always do with sincerity. How much do you really listen to those that want to be heard?

If we are down, or have data we need to download, we hope for someone’s full attention when we are talking to them about what is making us anxious/ upset/ gloomy. Often we are needing a different perspective, or a sympathetic companion, who is happy to listen to our heartfelt tale to be told. However, in today’s world, are we really there enough for our friends? We need to ask ourselves: are we actually listening to the ones who are trying to speak most to us? If we choose not to listen, this is a decision that has a motive behind it, and may be at times justifiable. The problem is a lot of the time we are not even noticing that our mind is wandering when we are spoken to, as we are too busy often thinking about our own concerns, our own lives and our own hardships.

Have you ever been talking to someone who isn’t meeting your gaze, who is psychologically ‘elsewhere’ and isn’t hiding it very well? It can be awkward and upsetting. Yet, this is something we all suffer with! None of us want to be a vacant friend but our lives are so busy we do end up this way and we become less close to those we care about. There is a presumption that a quick Lunch catch up with a friend suffices, or an after work drink will be all that is needed to get the jist of our friends lives. The social gathering might have been good fun. But, we then wonder why we grow apart. Could it be that we are just not listening to the lives of those we are concerned with most?  I think we can all really be deeper friends if we suspend our own lives for those moments when we are really needed. Even if by listening, we say nothing at all.

When a friend wants to chat, and it isn’t over the latest episode of 90210, really listen. Immersing yourself in the thoughts of others can be very releasing for you and whatever is challenging you as well. Want to know what it would be like to be someone else? Lose yourself in what they are saying, and imagine how they feel.  A friend indeed is one who listens to a friend in need.

Miss V x