Do I really have to call it 'dating'?

The art of dating. It has always perplexed me. If the people behind our favourite chick flicks had their way, we'd all being getting in on the fun. Well, maybe it works for some, but can't we call it something else, like, I don't know...hanging out with a member of the opposite (or same, whatever floats your boat) sex to see if they're 'significant other' material? Hmm, admittedly my suggestion isn't quite as catchy, but I reckon I'll stick with it. Keep reading to find out why.


So, 'dating', that old chestnut. Urban Dictionary defines it thus: 

'The modern day battlefield of romance where hearts are won and broken, the not-quite so version of chivalry and wooing, an interview for a lover; the lay down some time-and money and see if you get some candy routine; the progressed game of cat-and-mouse; the human courtship ritual; playing baseball for a home run.'

I'm not entirely sure who dreamt up the concept, but if I were ever to find out, I'd give them a telling off. Why? Because 'dating' or rather, the game of back-and-forth chasing/texting/flirting is odd, awkward &if I'm frank, comes with far too many rules.

A little while back I was having a chat with my friend Chris over a cup of tea (we regularly turn up at each other's rooms, demanding a brew). After all the usual banter dissipated, we got on to the 'deep and meaningful' topic of...you guessed it, dating. At this point, I should probably tell you that Chris &I are self-confessed over-thinkers. We could probably analyse a turnip until our heads hurt. So, when it came to the afore mentioned topic, we were full to the brim with puzzlement,ranting &lamentation. His major contention was that 'dating' is too structured, and seemed to demand that the man concerned be on top of his game, taking his lady out on the most exciting, ingenious rendezvous, with witty banter &free flowing compliments on tap. 

In the not-so-fine art of dating, it's the blokes who are under immense pressure to not only be pant-droppingly charming & flirtatious (but not in a sleazy way), but ooze generosity and generally be on their best behaviour. Many of my guys friends have admitted to finding the whole thing 'strict and regimented'. So much so, that the simple matter of choosing a restaurant/pub/ice rink or goodness knows what else becomes a stressful chore. As a female, I find the pre-date ritual of getting ready immensely irksome. Take for instance, one every time I go out for drinks with a man. Luckily, one of us will suggest the ever loyal pub, so I never have to worry about which of my jazzy-but-not-too-jazzy dresses to wear. Even so,  I end up re-doing my make up thrice, and I'm pretty sure I change my outfit as many times. If it wasn't for the fail-safe skinny jeans that have seen me through my first meets so far, I may have been tempted to rock up in my slob attire. 

Then comes the dreaded 'three day rule',which demands that only after three days can you text your 'date'. And by you, I don't mean either party. No, apparently it must be the man because of good old chivalry. Don't get me wrong, I'm not one of those women who scowls whenever a bloke holds a door open for me, it's a nice gesture! But if I want to text a man, I won't let social propriety tell me that I shouldn't. Also, is it really fair to expect the poor bloke to pursue you? 

I feel that I've reached a point where I should clarify something: I like hanging out with men, whether they're my friends, family or maybe even prospective 'others'. Men are great, I like the smell of aftershave &I appreciate being treated like a lady despite being told by my mother that I need 'lessons in how to be graceful'. What I really like, however, is simple, pressure-free conversation over a drink in a pub with a nice bloke. Will he like me? Will I like him? Will he wonder what on earth he got himself into by asking me out? Who knows? But let's keep it simple.


Miss Dx

Unchanged by change: dealing with the unexpected and losing the freak outs

If you are in a boat and the wind changes, it’s a sign of the need to reassess your direction and prepare for the impending new situation.  Ahh! Life is a bit like being in a boat. Except none of us really feel like experienced sailors, so the prospect of different waters often leaves us clinging to the sides, frantically paddling to just stay where things currently are.

Yet at our ages, everything is centred around change. New College. New Job. New friends. New wardrobe. New partners. New digs. New journeys. New challenges. New circumstances – the lists of unpredictability’s are endless. Life seems to move fast, and we might not always like it.

But I’m starting to think it is actually really good for us. We don’t get better at the things we do unless we are pushed to reach new challenges. I am always comforted by the memory of paddling to my father’s arms in the swimming pool when I was very small. Slowly, without me realising, he would move further away, till I realised I had swum a whole length by myself. While it would be a lot less scary to spend our whole lives at the pool steps , we’d never then get to learn how great it is to dive from the deep end.

We need to be brave, and it’s hard, and sometimes change isn’t always good.  But if it’s inevitable, we have to think about the way we approach it. It also doesn’t mean that things won’t eventually then turn out for the best. Sometimes it is these big changes that really define who we are.

 New job? Totally embrace it. New Home? Make it your nest. New friends? Well you can never have too many.  Unsteady waters ahead? Look where your compass is pointing  and stand firm in the wind.  We are never alone, and no matter how bad the storm, there can also be some really great sunsets at sea.


Miss V x

Summer sun, the weekend has only just begun.

Beautiful sunny day! Have a lovely weekend, I am spending the day in the sun. 

Many happy returns to Mr M today :)

Bag: Mulberry, Lipgloss: Liz Earle, Sunglasses: Parisian vintage - Trinity Hospice Shop find






Miss V x

Handbags

Totally loving these right now..


Pieces Aris Shopper £38.00 from Asos

Stone perforated Leather Medium Jolie £425 by Lulu Guiness 

Studded Clutch with clasp fastening £69.99 from Zara

Miss V x

Nail colour crazy

We all love nail drama. But is this summer about the pastel shades or going statement bold?


[from left: 'No Mambo Jambo' by H&M, 'Fairy Cake' by Boots 17, 'Golden Treasure' by H&M, 'Jungle Red' NARS, and Nails Inc free polish in June edition of InStyle magazine]


Miss V x

Liz Earle Beauty

This week I visited the Liz Earle flagship store in Sloane Square. But before I tell you about what I thought of their new cosmetic range,  I need to fill you in on why you need to throw away your cleanser and moisturiser,  and why you need to fall in love with Liz Earle products.


I have always had quite random skin. Sometimes it would feel comfortable and look clear, yet it also has this remarkable ability to rebel, freak out, and break out. In your twenties, this is not cool. I have used a real variety and range of products, from cheap over-the-counter quick-fixes to expensive labels. Yet none of them have really been terrific. 


Until I used Liz Earle cleansing products.


I came across Liz Earle products by total chance. Channel flicking late one night I got distracted by the beauty program on QVC, where Kim Buckland (the co-founder along with Liz Earle herself) was showing the well established cleansing product range. Kim really seemed to know her stuff, and I was impressed by the apparent simplicity of the products. No harsh chemicals. No animal testing. No drama.  Just natural ingredients to soothe and nourish. Well, it turned out I was the last to know about Liz Earle Products. Friends, family and neighbours (both women and men) were telling me how effective the products are, and how good they are for your skin. Convinced, I bought the cleanser, moisturizer and 'polish cloths' (for effective daily exfoliation).


A month later, I am standing in Liz Earle Sloane Square a day or two after the launch of their new make- up range - a new line with a generous delivery of different products, all with kind, non-fuss ingredients. How is my skin? Evidence of its success is the reason I am back, and want more. Another customer approached me, paying me the compliment that my skin was glowing. She had never used Liz Earle products but after we chatted, I hope now I have managed to convince her. The new make up line itself is really sleek and I urge you to go and see for yourself : http://uk.lizearle.com/. That day I bought one of their new Sheer Lip glosses, which gives a hint of colour and great moisturisation. 


If you are thinking of updating your makeup bag, or looking for a new perspective on cleansing, then Liz Earle products understand beauty, because they understand our skin.


Miss V x

These Fossils Make Sweet, Sweet Music

Say hello to David Fendick and Jonny Hooker, two multi instrumentalists with something quite wonderful up their  sleeves. 

{Via Jonny Abrams @ ROCKSUCKER}

This Leeds duo are definitely worth getting excited about. Theirs is a breed of music which is pithy, a little eerie, and moodily romantic, all mixed up to make tracks which are guaranteed to make you swoon. Husky voiced, and with guitars in hand, these two blokes have even managed to make Frankie Goes to Hollywood's 'Power of  Love' sound like it's fresh from their own songbook.




Their debut EP, 'Let it Go' is out in June, but until then, you can feast your eyes&ears on these treats.




Miss Dx

Samira Hashi- the Coolest of the Month

Growing up is a daunting call for all of us. Realising that duty and responsibility are just around the corner is enough to freak anyone out, especially when you're only just in your twenties, have sky-rocketed in the modelling world, & left your homeland of Somalia as a refugee during its violent civil war. 

When it comes to top models, I'll be honest, I can't name many of them. Yet, when I heard about Samira Hashi, I took notice instantly.

{Via Ikran}

In the recent BBC documentary, 'Escape from the World's Most Dangerous Place', Hashi is accompanied by a team of cameramen as she travels back to her homeland to get closer to her roots, and witness the atrocities of the Somali civil war, which is now entering it's third decade. In it's opening few minutes, we see a spirited twenty something in her mother's London home, preparing herself for her departure. She's apprehensive, and aware of the brevity of the situation. Not only is she about to travel to 'the World's most dangerous place', she'll be reunited with her father, who she hasn't seen for eighteen years, after he left Samira, her mother, &her sisters in their London home to travel back to Somalia. 

Her father's home with his new family is Samira's first stop, and she is greeted by him, his three sons, &their mother, a young Somali woman. The reunion is brief, and Hashi is hardened, but resigns herself to the fact that her father remarried to ensure a male progeny. Sons, we are told, are considered a blessing in Somali culture. Daughters, however, are not regarded as equal fortunes. Astonishingly, Samira doesn't seem phased by the encounter, and her discovery of her father's motives to remarry. As she put it: 'My sisters and I are more than blessed in London. My mum is my mum and dad.'

She then continues her journey to the UN refugee camp at Dolo- Ado, a refuge outside a region dominated by the extremist Islamic group, Al- Shabaab. It is here that the stark reality of the refugee camp she lived in with her mother and sisters hits her. Going back to your roots, and realising that your family lived in abject poverty just so they could escape from a terrorist group must be no easy realisation, and, from our comfortable side of the camera, we can see how hard the experience hits Samira. This is growing up at its hardest. Despite her tender years, Samira demonstrates a hardened maturity that keeps her going through her journey, and her affection for her motherland becomes increasingly tinged with anger, sadness, and fervent loyalty to its people. 

In the final leg of her journey, Hashi travels to Somaliland- the de facto sovereign state in  north-western Somalia. It has become a haven and refuge from the bitterly violent civil war raging on outside. Yet, it is here that Samira learns of another abuse. FGM, or female genital mutilation is widely practised in Somalia, and is still legal in Somaliland, despite international pressure. Frighteningly, culture dictates that young girls must be 'cut' in order to ensure their purity and virginity. Hashi comes across a six year old girl who is circumcised by her mother, who, after the procedure, rests assured that she will die in peace, knowing that she performed the act on her daughter. After witnessing the aftermath of FGM herself, Hashi has returned to England as a fervent campaigner against the mutilation of women, and has cut back on her modelling career in order to devote more time to work for the relief of Somalia from the violence of Al- Shabaab.

It's always refreshing to see people using their fame and influence as a platform to do good in the world, and this is why Samira Hashi has cemented her position as the coolest of the month.

Miss Dx