Dear reader, I warn you, what you've just stumbled across is a (well reasoned) rant. Brace yourself, I'm a woman with a point to make &my gosh I'm not backing down.
Now, this rant isn't unprovoked. Worryingly, since I turned 21, I've had more than couple of people remind me that 'the clock is ticking' and that I really should step up the hunt for a mate. I have been able to think of countless ways to rebuff this recurring statement, but, due to social propriety, I have refrained from saying what I really think until now.
So here goes...
I see my situation: I'm 23, still a student, have pretty much no idea where I'll be this time next year, &would much rather get my own stuff together before I even think about inviting a spouse &infant into the equation, if I ever do.
In juxtaposition, I'm beginning to see Facebook photo albums of my school-friend's weddings. Needless, to say, it looks like the ante is very much in need of upping. I'm happy for them &I wish them and their spouses well; yet, despite the promise of a lifetime of happiness &babies these couples display, I have no desire to follow suit any time soon, nor am I going to hinge my future plans on my body clock or fertility rate. Why? Because, dare I say it, I'm not entirely sure that I want children. Don't get me wrong, kids can be cute&I can appreciate that they can add a lovely sort of value to human life. By being a parent, one can learn to love unconditionally, &I can see that the idea of bringing life into the world is wonderful one. But, there are other things I would much rather do than procreate.
Thanks to the wonder that is 'How to be a Woman', I am now unequivocally certain that, far too often, human life (more so a woman's life) is valued (in part) on a desire to have children. I get it, mothers are wise, wonderful beings, and maybe one day the idea will appeal to me more. Yet, I cannot believe that motherhood is the ultimate achievement for a woman: fulfilling a natural &biological urge. Surely there are other significant and socially relevant ways in which we can add value to our lives, and feel a glow of 'yes, I did something worthwhile today'? As Cailtin Moran puts it:
'Whilst motherhood is an incredible vocation, it has no more inherent worth than a childless woman simply being who she is, to the utmost of her capabilities. To think otherwise betrays a belief that being a thinking, creative, productive and fulfilled woman is, somehow, not enough. That no action will ever be the equal of giving birth.'
To me, she has hit the nail on the head. Such a lot of fuss is made over being a mother. Not only is it assumed that motherhood is the fundamental and primary manner in which a woman injects her life with value, but we are supposed to want children by virtue of being broody creatures. Call me a naysayer, but this isn't always a given, &thus the assumption is a little bizarre. Too often have I heard people saying 'Children make the woman' or, 'You'll know what it's like once you have children of your own! You'll see!' This, to me is more than odd. After all, no one would ever suggest that us girls really ought to be nurses, or primary school teachers because we're female, so why is it assumed that we are naturally bound to want babies? Proof in point: At a recent wedding I was asked about my baby plans by a relative, &I simply replied that my mind wasn't made up, that I'm not sure that I want kids. They were clearly shocked by my answer, and I was equally bemused that it was apparently quite controversial.
Maybe when my thirties strike, I'll feel that same burgeoning broodiness and start a personal mission to get me a baby. But, I do not believe that children are essential to my adult life, there are many other ways in which I plan to add value to my existence, and that's what gets me really excited. So, no, I may never be a mother, but I'll do much more by being a thinking, creative, productive and fulfilled human being.
Miss D x
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